Resolutions

[Eri]

Seth climbed through the forest, his footsteps quiet and practiced. It was such a habit for him to move without being detected, he had to stop himself from looking for signs of werewolf activity. He wasn't here for a hunt. He was here to figure out his emotions.

To say he was a wreck would be an understatement. He hadn't been sleeping well, and his appetite had dissipated. The cut on his side had finally closed up, but he was moving far too much and he could feel a burning pain go through the muscles in his side. He was in jeans and a loose t-shirt, his bronzed skin shining slightly from sweat. He was moving fast, enough to get his heart rate up, yet methodically and with purpose.

The tree line began to thin, and he knew he was almost there. It was the flat, rocky plateau that Luschka had brought him to weeks ago. She had practically glowed when walking out from the trees.

He hesitated a moment, catching his breath, before stepping out onto the rocks. He moved to the center, where he finally sat down. He bent his knees, resting his elbows on top of them before resting his forehead against his forearms. What was he doing here?

[Âłíșōñ]

I walk through the forest, scuffing my boot on the ground constantly as I walk up the mountain. I haven't been out of the house ever since...well...I just can't say it to myself. It makes me feel sick. I have dark circles under my eyes which are blood-shot, my skin is exceptionally pale compared to usual, not to mention I've lost all my rosiness, and I have grown thinner. I've been very depressed and I just can't shake it. Not that I really want to, but man, Eclipse and Char and Amelia are all completely freaked out about my health. They worry. I guess I can understand, but I don't really worry anymore. My life has lost meaning. And I've lost my life. I'm like a zombie. Walking, zoned out all the time, and doing things without a purpose. I haven't been to see my horse in a while, and I feel really bad about it...I hope the barn manager is taking good care of her....

But as I was saying, I look like a mess. Horrible. Terrible. I don't smile or laugh anymore. I don't want to be with people anymore. I don't want anything but to die. I would do it myself but I just can't. It feels wrong. My stomach growls but O ignore it. I haven't been in my wolf form since that day...I've kind of been in denial of what and who I am. I don't want to be a werewolf anymore and I wish more than anything there was a cure. I start thinking about the day outside my music shop now and I start crying a little. This was not how I imagined my life with Seth was going to be. I imagined he would either kill me, or accept what I am and stay with me anyway. I never thought he would leave me. The tears stop a little ways before I reach the top of the mountain. Where I took Seth that one time when we went to the forest for a "walk". I miss those days. I can't go back now though.

I sigh and try to block out my thoughts of Seth for now as I will do plenty of mourning in my room later. Grrr. I think this is my first time out of my room ever since. I haven't ate unless the hunger pains were excruciating and I didn't drink unless I knew I was going to die of lack of water. I bring my long ponytail to my shoulder and rest it there. As I step out to the place on the mountain where Seth had met Saniyah, I frown. I just can't get away from thoughts of Seth. Never can. Then, as I'm standing there, I realize I'm not alone. I'm about to make a mad dash before he notices me, but then I realizes it's not just any he. It's Seth. I stare in wonder at his black, unruly hair and his beautiful golden skin but I just can't convince myself I'm not hilucinating. I must have cracked. It must be that I'm sleep deprived and haven't slept at all for the past few days. It must be that I haven't been eating for the last few weeks. I'm going crazy. But just to make sure....Seth...?

[/color] Yikes. I don't I've spoken for weeks. My voice must sound horrible. It does sound terrible. My mind's voice defenitally does not reflect my actual physical voice. I continue to stare to see if he responds to me or if her really is just a figment of my imagination.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

His mind had been racing with the same thoughts he'd been thinking for days now. What was he going to do? He didn't think he could ever become a werewolf. It would be an ultimate betrayal to his family, and he knew every breathing Amos would scour the planet to put a blade through his chest. His uncle would probably be the one to be able to do it, and it only caused his stomach to churn. His uncle would call him crazy for even considering what he had been thinking. His fists balled until his knuckles grew white, his conflicting emotions causing him to feel anger.

He suddenly froze when he heard his name. It had almost been a whisper, raspy and barely audible. He turned his head, seeing Luschka near the trees. She was staring at him, and he couldn't help but feel guilty at her appearance. She looked as miserable as he felt, which didn't help him much at all. She had been the one who had lied to him, so why was she so depressed? It just didn't make sense to him!

He realized he hadn't responded yet, and lifted a single hand before answering. "Hello, Luschka." his voice was deep, and strained. He suddenly felt like fleeing, to run back down the mountainside. It was pointless to him though. He needed to get this figured out.

[Âłíșōñ]

I watch him as he turns and pretty much stares at me. All of a sudden I feel self conscious. What will he think of my appearance? Will it anger him even more? I cross my arms over my mid-section trying to hide how much weight I've lost. I remember how he used to hold me in his arms. It felt so good and, now more thsn ever, I wish I could just fold myself in his arms and never leave. But he knows what I am now. He knows I'm a werewolf and that I'm also a Beta Female. He knows I omitted. I'm ashamed I did it, yes. How could I not be? I feel horrible. I wish I hadn't even approached him in the Bandstand. If I hadn't, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be depressed, he wouldn't have left me, and maybe I would be with a nice werewolf boy like Jared Sky, the guy who hit on me and insisted he take me out on a date no matter how many times I refused him. I frown, thinking of the consequences of having spoken to him that day. Maybe if I had just spoken to him and not told him I wanted him to kiss me then we wouldn't be here. There are so many things I could have done to prevent this from happening. Why didn't I think of the consequences???

I have to remind myself I haven't responded to him so that I can snap out of my horrible flashbacks and say something. It's...uh...i-it's been a while....? I say this with such uncertainty it kind of sounds like a question. I want to say I've missed him. I want to burst into tears or run away, but I can't. I'm numb. I can't do anything or say anything else.

[Eri]

It's been a while? He couldn't help the bitter laugh the came from his chest at that statement. "Yeah, it's been a while." he mumbled, knowing she could hear him no matter how softly he spoke. As if they had just been too busy to see each other, it left a bitter feeling in him. He placed his palms onto his knees, standing in a swift motion before bending over to brush the dirt from his pants.

"We both look like we've been through hell, huh?" he said, now standing straight to face her. He had to force himself to relax, since he could feel his muscles tensing. She was a werewolf, and his instincts were just so difficult to control. He'd come up the mountain unarmed besides a single small knife, not having cared what he came across in the trees. Currently he was vulnerable, and it left an unsettling feeling. Yet, he knew Luschka was probably the one werewolf he didn't have to worry about.

"...I've been doing a lot of thinking..." he started, his hands clenching and unclenching as he struggled to put what he was feeling into words. He'd never been good at saying how he was feeling, and the feelings that were surfacing were so alien to him. "I don't think I can stay away from you...but staying with you is going to be difficult too."

He wouldn't be able to simply quit being a werewolf hunter to do what he wished. It just couldn't happen. The tattoo on the back of his neck and the oaths he had taken were ancient and unbreakable. Still, he had gone through his history, trying to find out how he could possibly make this work. He didn't even know how he would react to her in her wolf form still.

[Âłíșōñ]

I stare at him, but this time incredulously. Is he serious? He doesn't think he can stay away from me? But yet being with me will be difficult too? What the hell does that mean!? Does that mean he wants to be with me so much he's going to find a way to keep from hunting me, or that he really wants to be with me but he's going to stay away from me? I don't understand. My heart is beating really fast right now considering what he's saying to me. He's been thinking a lot about this? I have so many questions!!! I nod, responding to his remark about us both looking like we've been through hell. That is defenitally true. Though I managed to heal most of it considering my werewolf healing capabilities and my medical treatment, I still have a small scar from where the male wolf ripped open the back of my neck. It still hurts like hell.

Just now I realize I'm shaking. I'm fearful of what he's saying. I'm fearful of his rejection once more. I'm also feel like I'm going to collapse. My mind feels like it's going in over load from seeing him again and talking to him for the first time in a while. Before I know it, my legs give out from beneath me and I end up on the ground. That's embaressing, and if I was healthy enough I probably would have blushed but I'm weak and sick. I won't be blushing for a while. I haul myself up to a sitting position with the little strength I can conjour. I caugh and my hand gets wet. I caughed up blood. I frown, observing it. Well, I'm pretty sure that's not good....I can't have Eclipse knowing about this....

[/color] I say this mostly to myself, though I'm pretty sure Seth can hear it. I know I look really bad, but I feel even worse.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

He had been waiting for a response from her, or a question. Having her collapse onto the ground was unexpected, and he felt his legs moving towards her. He stopped, worry and conflict on his face. Her heard her speak, and his legs were moving again until he was kneeling in front of her.

He could now see just how thin she had gotten, and how sick she really looked. The blood on her hand sent his heart racing and he reached into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief. He reached forward, silent as he wiped the blood from her hand. "We need to get you down the mountain to a doctor or something." he finally said.

Now that he was close to her, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. All worries about what he was going to say or do with Luschka were at the back of his mind after seeing her cough up blood. There was no point in worrying about staying with her if she got sick and died. He wouldn't let another person he felt close to die because of him.

[Âłíșōñ]

I look up just in time to see him come towards me and kneel in front of me. He looks really concerned. Could it be that he really does want to stay with me? Was what he had just said his way of telling me he loved me? I remember he had told me he would try to tell me he loved me, but he never had. I kind of figured that promise was out the window when he threw a knife passed my head a few weeks ago. Now I'm not so sure. When he mentions going to the doctor and shake my head reluctantly. No, I can't go to the doctor. I can't risk seeing anyone I know. This is not how I want people to see me. Especially my pack. I had to sneak out my window so no-one would see me. My door's been locked these past few weeks but Eclipse keeps continuing to break it down. It's really annoying. I get he's worried and wants to make sure I'm alive, but he could just knock. No...I can't go to the doctor's...I'm fine...

[/color] I try to smile but I can't. I'm obviously not okay. I just don't want him to worry. I'm broken inside. Even though he's here and he obviously cares, I'm still broken. I'm afraid he might be lying to me to get back at me. Even if I did believe him though, I'm not going to heal in like two seconds. It takes time...I'm just not completely sure I have enough time for that.

I look at him with my blood-shot eyes and I have to blink a few times before I can see him clearly. Wow. He may not look as bad as me, but he still looks pretty bad. I sigh and caugh a little more and a little bit of blood comes up so I have to swallow it. Ew.[/color] That's just discusting. I look at him again and realize how much I've missed seeing his face. More than I thought. It's actually physically painful. I want to touch him but I can't find the courage to. I'm afraid that if I touch him, he'll leave me again. I want him to stay with me. I don't want him to leave again. I repeat the last words I said to him before he told me to go. Please, Seth. Don't leave me. I'm so vulnerable right now, if he leaves me now I might just die right here. If not, I would be very disappointed.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

He glared at her, "You need help, Luschka. Don't be stupid, how am I supposed to stay with you if you get so sick?" His voice was thick was concern, and irritation. For her to get this way just because he had left made him furious. He had left to protect her from him, so that he wouldn't hurt her. He hadn't thought that she would nearly kill herself with self neglect.

At her second sentence though, his features softened for a moment. "If I had planned on leaving you, I would have just left town already." he murmured, leaning forward and pressing his lips to her forehead.

His face grew serious again, "You're going to get help no matter what though. You can't ignore coughing up blood, werewolf or not."

[Âłíșōñ]

I smile a little for the first time in a long time when he kisses my forehead. A strange yet familiar warmth spreads through my body and I feel a small bit better. So he didn't plan on leaving me...well that wasn't something I was expecting. When he again insists I get help, I blink, watch him, and think about it. I guess I kind of do need help. I'm a mess. I guess I could do this for both me and him. I nod and choke out Okay...but I don't think I'm going to get too far as of now...

[/color] I can barely lift my arm, let alone get up. I don't really want him to carry me, but if he's going to be so damn persistant, he's going to have to. I limply lift my delicate arm off the ground and place it in my lap. He's right. Werewolf or not, I can't ignore the fact I'm coughing up blood.

I furrow my brow and think about how much I thought this through when I thought I was going for a walk by myself. That wasn't very smart. If Seth wasn't here, I might be like this on the ground somewhere in the middle of the woods and who knows how long it would take someone to find me. I look at myself and frown as I realize what I look like--a skelton. My arms and legs look horribly skinny. It looks like they're just bone with a thin sheet of skin coating them. My gaze moves to him again and I say, Thank you. If you weren't here right now, I'd most likely be laying somewhere in the middle of the woods and wasting away. Who knows how long it would take someone to find me.[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

"Your pack is probably worried sick..." he grumbled, reaching forward. He shifted his position so that he was no longer kneeling, and wrapped his arms around her before lifting her up. He was determined to get her help, even if she protested to being carried. It scared him how light she suddenly was.

He felt his side protest at the strain, but ignored the burning pain as he shifted her position. It would probably be easiest to carry her on his back, but he didn't think she could hold on to him very well. "I'm not sure if I should be mad at you or not. You shouldn't have let yourself get this way."

[Âłíșōñ]

I would protest to being carried, but right now I really don't have the energy. I nod when he says that my pack must be worried. If they knew I had even left they probably would. But they most likely don't. Maybe. They might not even know I'm gone. They usually only check up on me once a day to make sure I'm still alive...they used to check up on me a lot more, but they gave up on trying to heal me when I kept growling at them and nearly attacking anyone who came in my room. This is the first time I've left my room in a long time...

[/color] When he finishes getting me in the right position in his arms, I lean my head on his chest. My left hand is also on his chest while my right rests in my lap.

Moving on to his statement of how he's unsure of whether to be mad at me or not, along with how I shouldn't have let myself slip away I nod again. You're right, I shouldn't have. I just saw no purpose in life without you. I didn't know how to cope with the pain. I couldn't handle it. The last time I had felt this magnitude of sadness was when....well, when I became an orphan.[/color] That's true. I haven't felt this was ever since then. I haven't been this bad ever since then. I wonder if he'll ask me how my parents died now that he knows what I am--what I was born as. Knowing him, he probably will. I would too if I were him. I would want to know everything about me to fully understand who I am and how I came to be this way.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

Seth began to move down the hill, his pace slow so as not to trip and send them both tumbling down the mountain. It would take time, but he knew he could get them down. Sometimes his brute strength came in handy.

"You should always find purpose in life, Luschka." although his own purpose in life had been sent topsy turvy. He didn't wallow in self pity though, and instead mostly used all of his strength to find a solution. When he was hellbent on figuring something out, he often lost track of time and awareness.

He listened to her though. He'd always been good at listening to others, "You should tell me about your werewolf past now. I'm walking through mist now with you."

[Âłíșōñ]

I sigh, knowing he'd saying something like that. Looking up at him, I begin to think about where to start. I decide to start at the beginning. Looking down at the ground, I watch his feet as he walks with me in his arms. I nod. I'm going to start now. I was born in Bucharest to my two lovely parents, Delila and Sebastian Desmile. I had two older siblings, a brother and a sister, Isabella and Shane. Isabella was the oldest and I loved her so much. She was my role model--my outline of what I wanted to be like. I was so young. I remember always following her around and studying her every move. She loved the attention. Shane, my older brother, always loved me the most out of all of them. He thought of me as his daughter. He's five years older than me. Well...he was. I don't know. Anyway, we were all born werewolves, my mom and dad, my brother, me, and my sister. One day when I was twelve I guess Isabella got into a fight with a girl at school and phased, not knowing there was a werewolf hunter on scene. She was killed instantly. She wasn't the smartest werewolf around. Now, they suspected that we too were werewolves and one day they saw my father go off into the woods and phase. They had us. The next day I was playing in the bushes, as usual, and my mom, dad, and brother were inside. That's when it happened. It scared the hell out of me because I was twelve and didn't know what was going on.

The werewolf hunters drove up to our house, stormed in and all I could hear was screaming and gun shots....I just knew I had to get away. I couldn't stay....so I ran. I went back a few weeks later to find my parent's dead bodies and their blood everywhere, but I never found Shane's or saw or smelled any of his blood. It was as if he just hadn't been there when it happened. I haven't seen him ever since...I don't know if he's alive or dead. But anyway, I ran to Eden Town and Eclipse, the guy who showed up at your door when I was there that morning, found me on the streets, begging. I was starving, homeless, and scared. I had no-one. He took me under his wing and raised me from the time I was thirteen. That's why he's like my brother. He's the Alpha of the pack I'm in....he trusted me enough to give me the Beta Female position when his bestfriend, Damian, had gone missing due to an attack by hunters. For the longest time I lived in fear of werewolf hunters. They were the only thing in the world I was scared of. Then one day I was walking in the Bandstand when I came across you. I was terrified at first because I did know who you were, but as I watched you play your guitar I couldn't help but feel like you were different. I was right, too. And I guess you know the rest, considering you lived it with me....

[/color] I watch his face, to see how he'll react.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Eri]

He listened silently, pausing only to correct his footing as he made his way down the mountain. His skin was soon glistening with sweat, the pain in his side a constant reminder to keep him from overexurting himself.

What seemed like a horror story to her was something he'd been doing for years. He lost count of how many homes he broke into, killing werewolf families one by one as he moved from place to place. He wouldn't be surprised if he was one of the hunters who had killed her family, but he had no memory of any connections with it so he doubted it.

With her story though, he could better understand her fear of him finding out she was a werewolf. It was ironic though, since werewolf hunters often felt the same fear of werewolves. He had his fears beaten from his system long ago though, but he had faint memories of it. "...I never told you my family history either. I was raised by my uncle, not my parents." Luschka's family was killed by hunters, and his family slaughtered by werewolves.

How sick and ironic was that?